Samoa international Cowley fears he has early onset dementia
This article is sourced from an exclusive by David Hands at www.thetimes.co.uk
Former Samoa international backrower Tim Cowley, who suffered multiple concussions, is set to undergo tests due to fears he has early onset dementia.
Cowley, born and raised in Waikato, New Zealand, finished his career aged 33 with Bourgoin in France’s Top 14 following a successful four-year stint with the Cornish Pirates.
He now runs a successful wine company in Romagne in France where he lives with his wife
Marie and their boys, the twins Raphael and Leo and younger brother Jules.
A physical player, Cowley thinks he has suffered concussions since a young age and after retirement has become concerned for his welfare.
“I loved the feeling of hitting someone hard. I’d be chomping at the bit. Stopping a rival in his tracks, it was addictive, he said.
“The first time I was concussed, I would have been 11 or 12, playing for the school. I remember it because I spewed up after it happened.”
The concussions where he was feeling dazed and his head would vibrate were so regular that it became normal for him and one of his teammates.
“We thought it was normal. Concussions were when you got knocked out. The normal bangs just made you a bit dazed and blurry and after a few seconds you’d be able to get on with it. We had no idea there might be long term consequences.”
His abrasive approach saw the concussions continue and he says they were made light of, and even on occasions treated as a badge of honour.
“When captaining the Pirates, I wanted to lead by example,” he said.
“To say to the players this where I’m willing to go. I remember the video review. ‘Can you see what your captain’s done?’ our coach said.
“‘Got knocked out and look at the next ball, kick-off, and he’s running it full bore back at them. See how much commitment he’s showing.’ I was sitting there feeling good because that was the kind of leader I wanted to be.”
Cowley retired in 2011 when players, coaches and medics perhaps knew less about concussion but apparent repercussions started to bite.
“There were times when I felt depression and you’re thinking this relates to the loss of rugby. That’s what I put it down to. I started getting headaches in the morning, it was like someone putting a needle on the right side of my brain.
“There were problems with my memory and that’s pretty scary.”
But it was bouts of rage that worried him most and led to suicidal thoughts.
“For no real reason I would get into a rage and break stuff,” he said.
“Afterwards I’d be exhausted. The anger left me with a horrible feeling of guilt. I’d wonder what kind of person am I? Have I become this monster? I’d get really angry at myself for being so angry. It got to the point where my wife was scared to leave the kids with me. She was afraid because she’d seen how angry I could get.”
Eleven months ago, he read about Steve Thompson’s issues and the England hooker’s failure to recall not only playing in but winning the world’s biggest tournament.
“I see people coming out telling how bad things are for them and I’m thinking I’ve had a lot more bangs than him. How bad am I going to be? I don’t want my kids to have a father who doesn’t even remember them. I’ve told Marie you’ve got to help me die if it gets to that.”
But for now life, he says, is good and he doesn’t want anyone feeling sorry for him, but to today’s generation he does offer one piece of advice. “You’ve got to get out of the game when the medical advice says you should.”
“We’re still having the same conversations about rugby now. There’s a number of changes we can and have to make to help protect the players of the future.”